Attitudes towards money are always formed within the family. Whether a person becomes thrifty or not depends on the example set by relatives and significant figures. Therefore, it is not surprising that attitudes towards money or, as it is fashionable to say now, "financial flows," are considered one of the main issues provoking conflicts between partners.

How to earn money, how to spend it, how to save it and where, how to multiply it, etc. - each partner will have their own perspective on these issues, and it is very important to discuss the rules and take into account each viewpoint at the very beginning of the relationship.

This is not an easy conversation. And you need to prepare for it. The first thing you need to do is understand your own relationship to money, so I propose the following exercise.

Imagine this situation: you have an unexpected amount of money, for example, 100 dollars. What would you do? How would you proceed? Do you already mentally anticipate how you will spend it, or do you surely know that you will save and multiply it?

Money is a very controversial topic, just like religion and politics. Therefore, you should always start with what unites you. And it doesn't matter whether it's global things like buying a home, a car, or pocket expenses; everything must be discussed and talked through.

If you have goals that do not coincide, communicate your concerns to each other.

During the conversation, be sure to use the "I-message" technique. Always express your thoughts and feelings sincerely and politely in the "I-message" format: objectively about facts, about your feelings, so that the balance of I "+" and You "+", let's agree. For example:

1. State objectively and only about the situation, without accusations, reproaches, and evaluations. For example: "I really want to go on vacation to the seaside…"
2. State objectively about your feelings: "I feel sad that I won't see the sea…"
3. State the consequences of the situation for you: "I feel that if I spend my vacation in the city/mountains, etc., I won't relax well enough…"
4. In conclusion, express what you want instead of this situation: "I would really like to make a decision with you, what do you say?"

Detail each goal using the good old SMART method, because the most wonderful goals don't work if they aren't SMART:

• Specific, when you simply and clearly outline what you want (for example, buying a home or going on vacation)
• Measurable, when there is a clear marker that you can achieve it (for example, how much money to save/earn per month)
• Achievable, when there is a clear understanding that it is realistic (for example, saving for a vacation within a certain period)
• Relevant, you'll understand when you ask yourself: "Will I be able to allocate the necessary amount from each paycheck?"
• Time-bound, when you clearly envision what will change and happen in your life with the new implementations: schedule, diet, sleep, work, contacts - every hour and every minute of your life and for how long. This will help you create smaller goals that are achievable and realistic, enhancing your chances of success.

Talking about money is a complex topic and it can be quite intimidating, especially if you fear conflict, but resolving financial issues at the beginning of a relationship will only make it more trusting.

iPsycholog - Your psychologist online.