«Why me?» or «For what reason?» - these are the first questions that come to mind when you suddenly realize you're in a «rough patch». And of course, it is always easier, more convenient to place the blame on others than to realize and take responsibility for yourself and your life.

Easier, but not effective. Especially when this type of thinking becomes a life strategy: a person does not take responsibility for their actions, lifestyle, decisions, and explains all problems and difficulties in life by the treachery of others. «I'm a victim» and nothing can be done about it. This type of thinking is an acquired and very dangerous personality trait.

Because once responsibility for what happens in one's life has been removed, the person has chosen a life strategy - «I suffer because life is so unfair».

But what if it is - «life is so unfair because I suffer». And here begins the most interesting part. What if indeed, life wants to teach something? What could that be:

1. Think about whether, theoretically, there are ways to change the situation.

For example, you or someone among your friends has become disappointed in the search for a soulmate. Instead of complaining and lamenting, think about what else can be done. Surely, you've already created a profile of a potential partner: hobbies, interests, etc. So go into their «habitat» whether it's an exhibition, gym, Facebook community, etc. Progress is always a result of actions.

2. Learn to be at peace with yourself, your thoughts and feelings.

It is important to understand that acknowledging mistakes is a sign of strength, not weakness. Blaming your relatives, friends, or colleagues for your problems will ultimately lead to nothing good. Observe how you talk about your issues with others and what you say to yourself. Hence the following recommendations ...

3. Take responsibility only for the actions and deeds that are right for you.

Because only you write your own story. Therefore, regulate your life and build it as you like.

Every time you habitually want to blame someone for your problems, change the scenario and think about how you would like the events to develop. For example, you have financial difficulties and you might be angry at friends for their financial well-being or direct this energy towards your development, learning, searching for ways to improve your life situation, etc.

4. Learn how to say «no» properly.

Instead of seething with resentment, learn to say «no». At first, it may be difficult; you might even have to practice in front of a mirror. But believe me, it is worth it: «No... Sorry, no... Sorry, no, I have other plans...» Let this be the beginning of a transformation from «victim of circumstance» to «author of your happy life».

      5. Treat yourself with care.

Blaming the Universe or Life for all your problems will not make them disappear. Feeling better is unlikely since energy and effort will be wasted. What to do? Direct efforts, thoughts, actions into the «right direction»... and come up with 1000+1 ways to care for yourself – it could be a bubble bath or favorite tea from a beautiful cup, or a favorite dish for dinner, or a book, or meeting with friends, etc.

It is important to realize that the «victim mentality» is an acquired quality. With diligence and the help of a psychologist, everything can be changed. Therefore, being a «victim of circumstances» or an «author of your happy life» is simply your choice.

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