So much strength and time is spent on finding a partner and building relationships.  But what if your “inner voice” is constantly doubting and hinting that you are being used, deceived, suppressed, etc.? Is this the echo of an unsuccessful past experience, life attitudes, or should you listen to yourself? After all, if you are truly seeking a serious relationship, you need to be 100% sure of your choice, and if not, it’s better to take a step back while it might still hurt less.

 Usually, at the beginning of a relationship we greatly idealize our partners and are therefore blind or lenient towards “behavioral features,” but there are things that are important to pay attention to:

1. The timing and place of your meetings. If a person is only interested in sex, such a partner usually appears only at night. If the person plans for something more, they will value not only the time spent with you in bed.

Verify, suggest shared leisure organized based on common interests, you will be able to draw your own conclusions.

Also read: “...They lived happily ever after...” - is it true?.

2. “Skilled liar.” If you catch a person lying about small things, definitely ask yourself how honest this person is with you, because if they lied about one thing, will they be honest about another?

Verify, sincerely inform your partner in the format of a polite “I-message” that you are upset, and observe what the reaction will be. Listen to what, how, and with what intonation they will respond. Watch how what they say aligns with how they look, you will be able to draw your conclusions immediately.

3. Priorities and quality of relationships. The reality is such that social networks indeed steal partners’ time and relationship quality, and if after you’ve explained your position the person still lingers on social media, you need to ask: Are you a priority for your partner and this at the beginning of the relationship; what will happen later when the relationship reaches a crisis stage?

 Verify, try to agree on new rules – limit social media time, ensure the newfound time is filled with communication, hobbies, and getting to know each other.

4. “Othello” in male or female guise. At the beginning of a relationship, this might even be cute, but always remember that jealousy has reasons – traumatic experiences, low self-esteem, etc., and you never know how this might turn out for you in the future.

Verify, try to discuss the situation with your partner, communicate your position and listen to the other point of view, jealousy is a bad adviser, be careful if you value the relationship, it may be worth seeking psychological help.

5. Observance of boundaries. Everyone has physical, emotional, and mental boundaries that need to be respected. Only in this way are trusting relationships built – the key to your future. If a partner has no understanding of boundaries, it only means one thing - their boundaries were severely violated and they will do the same with you constantly.

Verify, if you value this person and are ready to take the risk, you will have to talk about it, show by personal example, psychological help may be needed. Whether you are ready to fight for this person is up to you.

6. “Secret” relationship. If you have been together for some time and your partner carefully hides you from their social circle, this may indicate a lack of seriousness in their intentions.

 Verify, whether they are ready to take responsibility and be in a relationship. Remember, you need to speak sincerely in a polite “I-message” format about your observations, thoughts, and feelings. And be objective, if you strive for trusting, happy, and long-lasting relationships – “come to an agreement upfront” both with yourself and your partner.

Also read: “CHANGE, cannot leave” or “change CANNOT leave” the choice is yours..

iPsycholog - Your psychologist online.