Have you ever found yourself repeatedly "organizing" traumatic situations, emotions, experiences for yourself? It feels like you're constantly stepping on the same "rake" and can't stop. The same happens with the opposite sex; at the beginning of a relationship, everything is perfect, but after some time, there's a realization that it's the same "rake" again— toxic emotions, destructive relationships, etc. One of the reasons we can't part with the "rake" lies in our childhood.

Also read: How emotions and thoughts influence events in our life. Top 5 ways to understand. .

1. Realize that all problems originate from childhood. Psychologists often ask: “And how was it in the parental family? Who among significant adults taught, showed, insisted, etc.?” And it's natural because we carry from childhood into adulthood models of relationships with ourselves, others, the opposite sex, problems, achievements, conflict situations, etc. This applies to any child, whether with a perfect or with a traumatic childhood. Because life is such that there is always room for unmet needs, emotionally cold parents, and irritating siblings (siblings - brothers or sisters). In adult life, we always replay familiar childhood scenarios and unconsciously seek someone who resembles those from childhood with a set of both positive and negative traits.
2. Determine your style of interaction with other people:

• You always attach and demand a lot of closeness from others, belonging to a group or society is important to you, etc. Your motto «I can't handle it alone», «Others must help me, otherwise everything will fall apart»
• You always avoid attachment and keep your distance from others, clearly aware of and delimiting your role and place in society, your motto «I am I, you are you»
• You feel your needs, you understand yourself and understand others, and choose what you consider important, taking responsibility for your actions, existing as a mature independent individual. Your motto «I can handle it myself» 

Now it's important to understand who you are and whom you choose as partners. It often happens that people who demand closeness choose those who want distance, and like a magnet, attract each other and suffer not because they're bad, but because they're simply different. The feeling of security and comfort in relationships depends on whether our needs are met.

Also read: Manipulators in our life, is it worth getting upset right away? .

Exercise: make a list of all failed relationships and find the coincidences, this simple exercise will show you an unmet childhood need. Until you work through this situation independently or with the help of a psychologist, you will constantly replay your childhood story in adult relationships.

Also read: «Agree on the shore» or 6 reasons to take a closer look at your relationships..

3. Learn to find the right people for yourself. After understanding the reasons and being ready for new relationships, you can start searching:

• To maintain the relationships you find, gratefully accept the value of all previous lessons.
• Identify 5 key characteristics, personality traits, that are critical for you, visualize how often you're together, what you talk about, how you show/feel emotional support, etc.
• Track your successes, embrace trials and errors, enjoy new experiences.

       Also read: «CHANGE, can't be left» or «Change can't be, left» the decision is yours..

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