How to survive the betrayal of a loved one? How to forgive, and should you forgive? «I will never forget, I will never forgive!» Or…maybe «When I forget, and when I forgive»?

Any decision will be correct if it's yours. Not suggested by someone else, but the one that is weighed and the only right one for you.

Oh, how you want to act rashly, and jealousy can really lead to doing a lot of things you'll definitely regret. Searching the house and reading personal messages will seem like child's play. But here it's important not to get carried away and to say «stop» to yourself in time.

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 And the first thing that is really important to do is to listen to yourself and initially experience all the overwhelming emotions alone—cry, shout, grieve, etc. It's important not to rush and understand that you have the right to any feelings and as much time as you need. Do not judge yourself and do not allow others to do so.

Just live through this experience, and only after such «emotional swings» can you let go of the situation, rather than replaying it again and again in new relationships or creating «monuments to unexperienced emotions» in the form of illnesses. If you feel the need to speak out, find someone, but warn them right away that you don't need advice, you just need a listener. Or consult a psychologist; with them, you'll go through this path faster and more effectively.

Only after these stages will you move to the next one and begin to understand what you really want:

• Perhaps you are tired of the relationship with this person and only the habit remains
• Or vice versa, only now you realize how dear they are to you

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In any case, you will understand this only by experiencing emotions, and the next step is to express your feelings, specifically feelings, not thoughts or assessments of the situation, the partner, or accusations against them.

Imagine starting a dialogue with: «Oh, you scoundrel, you bastard, scum, etc.…». What happens next? The person hearing this, even if they were wrong 100 times, will start to defend or attack or blame in return. And that's it, it's the finish; from such a position, no one will ever regret what they have done. Because in reality, everyone has a storm of emotions, but they usually don't have time to talk about them.

And only by voicing your feelings can you give your partner a chance to speak about theirs, and perhaps you'll hear genuine regret. And that is the beginning of reviving a faded relationship or a remedy for wounds if you decide to leave after all.

So, how to survive the upcoming conversation, how to formulate thoughts, and what to say?

You definitely need to prepare for the conversation and it's better to practice mentally or out loud; for this, use the I-message technique:

1. Say objectively and only about the situation, without accusations, reproaches, and evaluation.

For example: «I know about the betrayal…»

2. Say objectively about your feelings: «I feel hurt, bad, confused, scared…»
3. Talk about the consequences of the situation for you: «I don't understand the reason for your action and don't know how to live on…»
4. Conclusion, you need to express what you want instead of this situation «I would really like to gather myself and understand how to cope, resolve, make a decision on how to proceed, and I hope you will help me…»

What happens at this moment is that you are precisely talking about your experiences, about what is happening to you right now. As soon as you voice your emotion, it loses its power over you and is no longer as painful—this is on one hand. On the other hand, your partner can sincerely feel your pain and share it, and then it will definitely become bearable and won't return again and again.

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 And another important point, never let a third party in and don't seek advice—it is unlikely to help you, it will only confuse you even more, or even worsen the situation.

 Everything is always individual. Go through with your partner, even if they are now your ex, your path. And the answer to the questions: what to do? is it worth forgiving betrayal? can you forgive betrayal? You already know.

If you want to forgive with all your heart, then do so. If you decide to part—most importantly, it should be your choice, and not because it's shameful or pride doesn't allow it after such a thing.

«I will never forget, I will never forgive!» Or…«When I forget, and when I forgive»?—it's up to you to decide.

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